Monday, December 18, 2006

The Curse of Chunky (Titans Win)

"Campbell's Chunky Soup, the most dangerous soup not served in a Thai restaurant" nugget of truth comes from the blog Chunky Soup Curse

So what is the Chunky Soup Curse?

John writes: The Chunky Soup Curse is the belief that every NFL player who endorses Campbell's Chunky Soup will suffer a rash of carrer- or even life-threatening injuries, failure on the field, humiliation and ultimately defeat.

Strangely, the curse does not directly stand in the way of success. It just mangles you, and eventually the mangling causes failures.

For example: Kurt Warner went to a second Super Bowl after being cursed. He just also mangled his hand the next season and had seven turnovers in a single game because of the hand. And he eventually ended up with the Arizona Cardinals.

Well, I'm of the belief that if one watches too much NFL football like I usually do every Sunday (and now Thursday & Saturday plus the NFL Replay - the four most-exciting games each week in a 90 minute format - all on the NFL Channel), the the Curse will ooze out of the TV and onto some unsuspecting soul... like me.

I've been aware of the Curse since Philly QB Donovan McNabb's Big Momma started serving the stuff up on commercials... and you'll have to visit the mentioned blog to get the full scoop. Now McNabb's Big Momma might be kinda getting old or she may be a little loose in the kitchen letting roaches crawl into the soup (they good too!)

Last week, I'm at Kroger shopping with Mrs. WonderDawg when I see Campbell's Chunky Soup on sale for $1.79. WOW, that's only 20 cents more expensive than WalMart - and Kroger never has soup on sale, because they rather sell pallets of Ramon Noodle Soup in those ten for .99 cents packages to those with college student budgets and tastes. It was cold last weekend and I had a real desire for soup, even if it came in a can. I gave some thought of violating my covenant of "Any Place But Shoney's" to have seven big bowls of soup from the hot bar, but the only soup Shoney's has been primarily serving for the last ten years is cabbage beef soup.

As soon as I put the two cans of Campbell's Chunky Soup Slow Roasted Beef with Mushrooms in the cart, my stomach started churning... I told Mrs. WonderDawg better hurry it up, as I need to head out... I always heard never shop at the supermarket while hungry to prevent buying junk food. That morning I had just a little too much coffee and fiber; fortunately we were at the Belle Meade Kroger, so I drove home to excuse myself and was back in 20 minutes. (I never use public restrooms)

So today, I'm laid up with a bad sore throat and my back hurts from laying around, so some good comfort food includes grilled cheese sandwiches and Campbell's Chunky Soup. I make the two sandwiches quickly so as to not arouse my two dogs with the power of cheese and pop open the can of soup into a microwave bowl. The pop top emitted a carbonated like sound which I thought was unusual, but because I shook the can I didn't think anything about it.

After nuking for three and 1/2 minutes, my soup had this bubbly surface that hung around like a witch's brew after stirring. I took a spoonful into my mouth - with an ammonia flavored taste hitting my taste buds, I immediately recognized the Chunky Soup Curse demons wanted to invade my weak body and do bodily (and bowel) damage, so I said no way! I flush the soup and its Slow Roasted in Hell Beef with Mushroom demons back to the pits of hell down the garbage disposal immediately.

I retrived the can of out the trash bin for further inspection - no dents in the can.

So my health was spared from The Chunky Soup Curse.

As for the NFL action, my beloved Dallas Cowboys beat the Atlanta Falcons with 17 unanswered points; our Tennessee Titans scrimmaged the Jacksonville Jaguars offense for 44 minutes of stellar defense and won big; the Denver Broncos beat the hapless Arizona Cardinals and for good measure, the axis of evil Washington Redskins made me feel great beating the New Orleans FEMA Saints after the thrashing last week of the Cowboys. QB Donovan McNabb? Remember how he hurt his knee during the Titans/Eagles game? - he's out for the season.

So by not eating the Chunky Soup, all of our favorite NFL teams won. And I still have this bad cough.

What's in your pantry? Cast those demons out now!

McNabb photo credit

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